A veggie alternative to Philly Cheese and Jalapeño Steak

This week I’ve been by my mums side as her cooking appurrentice. Using a Joe Wicks recipe, we made a vegetarian alternative to his Philly Cheese and Jalapeño Steak.

This was purretty difficult seeing as mum couldn’t find any veggie steaks, so we had to go with Quorn chicken pieces instead. Mum tried to give me a bit but I wasn’t having any of it, she’s a chicken fraudster!

I didn’t have a clue what half of this stuff was. Black Pepper? I’d seen green, yellow and red peppers before, but not black. I was curious as to what this purrculiar looking thing was, so I did some investigating but as soon as my nose got too close, I was sneezing. This wasn’t Black Pepper, it was Black Magic. I could use it against the black cat that’s been bullying me!

Mum asked me to gather all the ingredients, so I lined them up neatly as I sat there thinking of the diffurrent ways I could use this Black Magic to my advantage. Unknowingly, mum captured the exact moment I discovered this brilliant idea:

After coming up with the pawfect plan, I resumed to cooking and clawstered all the vegetables together. Luckily for me, mum had gone to the supermarcat and bought packets of frozen vegetables – she literally would not stop going on about how much time this saved her. Dad was complaining how this didn’t make the food as ‘fresh’. I was pawleased about the frozen onions, it meant my purrecious little eyes were saved from the stinging sensation that causes me to look like i’m crying. My pawrents already treat me like a baby, I didn’t need to give them another excuse to talk to me in their baby lingo – it’s so pawtronising.


Once I’d prepared all the ingredients, I furried the fake chicken (ugh!) and added the onions, peppers and spinach in the pan. The recipe mentioned adding mushrooms but they make me want to throw up my furr balls. The only reason this didn’t happen was because I woke my pawrents up at 3am this morning…again (I was only checking to see if they was still breathing!), and I could tell mum was a little grumpy today due to the lack of cat napping she had done, so I was trying to be on my best behaviour.

Once all the food was nearly cooked, I added my favourite ingredient – cheese. I thought the Dreamies cheese and salmon treats were good, but this was the real deal, and it tasted delicious. Mum only gave me a purrtite amount – she teased me. She gave me a taste of heaven and then snatched it away from me by telling me I couldn’t have anymore. She said she didn’t want me having “a paw diet.” I just looked at dad, and he gave me that look. The look that says “your mum can be waaaaay too pawtective sometimes.” Anyway, after I got over my sulk, I placed the cheese into the pan – but then something crazy happened to the cheese, it turned into a stringy, near-liquidy substance.


Once this was cooked and I had stopped dribbling (drooling because I was happy and because the food looked mouth watering), I spurrinkled some jalapeños on to the dish – sneakily tasting one when mum wasn’t looking. I’m sorry Mr Wicks, but I don’t think it’s very furr you never warned me how spicy these would be. However, I do remempurr tipping in a bit too many crushed chillies when cooking this, so that could have been another factor contributing to the spiciness. Luckily, my mum’s Indian so she’s used to spicy food and didn’t realise I’d made this mistake, otherwise it would have been a catastrophe.

I was purretty proud of my furrst attempt at cooking. I know it didn’t look anything like the Joe Wicks version, but I’m sure it still tasted just as good. Although, my meal was a little too small so I added some tasty chips on the side.

Joe Wick veggie alternative
I was a bit upset when I realised I didn’t even get a small pawtion of the meal – not even a little nibble. I did all the hard work by cooking it whilst mum read the recipe from the book, and then mum goes and eats it! It’s okay, she looked like she enjoyed the chips more than the fake chicken. So as payback, I ate my fresh Gourmet meaty dish in front of her, so she knew what she was missing.

After my furrst challenging cooking session, I treated myself to Ben and Jerry’s chocolate mint and chocolate brownie ice cream with fresh, juicy strawberries on top.

If you enjoyed my post about my cooking expurrience, take a look at my page where I meow about my life as a 5 year old cat.

Mo x

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